In my “coming soon” list a little while ago, I included mention of a blog on “how fluid is sexuality” partly prompted by my own experiences and people I’ve got to know over the course of this year and partly by the myriad articles in the press proclaiming “there are suddenly lesbians everywhere”.
As an aside, has anyone noticed that most of those articles start from the premise that lots of straight women have either suddenly become lesbians or that they were lesbians all along but simply hadn’t noticed. As the very wonderful LipstickLori mentioned a little while ago, isn’t it a much more obvious assumption that they were bisexual all along…?
(And have you also noticed that men in the same position are almost always assumed to have been hiding the truth for the benefit of their career, but that’s probably a discussion for another day).
As the year has gone on, my mind has wandered from the fluidity of sexuality to wondering whether anyone is really 100% “straight” or is everyone actually at least a bit kinky? Of course, our perception of the world at large is vastly distorted by our own day to day experiences and the people we meet and hear about. When I started learning to fly, it suddenly felt as though everyone I met had a pilot’s license, or had a friend who could fly a fast jet.
My personal theory on “becoming a lesbian” is that a range of people can possess qualities and characteristics that any one of us finds attractive, and these are not necessarily gender-specific. To pick a few examples, I’m rather fond of people who have lovely eyes and nice shoulders, I have a particular weakness for a warm, friendly slightly flirty smile. I like an analytical mind, some quirkiness and a sense of adventure. As far as I’m aware, none of these are attributes is gender specific.
We are all conditioned by society (or rather our local version of society at large) to try to conform to the norm. This has the effect of filtering the way we see people – and I think this means that a lot of us end up not really noticing how attractive some people are to us, because they don’t fit within the very narrow parameters we have decided are the “right” fit for us.
Anyway, this was supposed to be a more general blog about kink – suffice to say, once I started to open my mind to the fact that there was a whole world of fun out there which I had been ignoring, and as I have increasingly mixed with some lovely people with what most would regard as alternative lifestyles, I have started to think that maybe everyone is at least a little bit kinky…most of the people I’ve met recently seem to be, and old friends increasingly tell me things.
I also keep thinking back to those lovely late-night discussions at university, either after really not very much wine, or simply over tea and hob nobs, when we discussed everyone’s sexual fantasies – there was definitely a majority in favour of some form of tying up or spanking, and some with slightly more interesting ideas.
So why would I think that had all gone by the wayside as we went through our twenties and thirties??
Of course, there’s always the exception that proves the rule…a little while ago, I was drinking champagne with some people after work (thus completely confirming the Dailý Mail’s view of City life). I got talking to a very beautiful, sexy man and after a while the conversation moved on to a point where I found myself asking what his favourite fantasies were….his immediate reaction was that he didn’t have any fantasies, as his mind “just doesn’t work like that”. I was, frankly, staggered.