How (not) to be a good estate agent

Dear estate agents of this country. If any of you:

  • are in Hertfordshire; and
  • feel what I am about to say is both unfair and untrue, please please please get in touch and prove me wrong by helping me to sell my house without any of the following….

Having had the pleasure of browsing numerous property details recently, here are just a few of the phrases I would personally leave out:

  •  ‘rarely available’ – after all, most properties don’t come onto the market every day so surely this goes without saying?
  • ‘an opportunity not to be missed’
  • ‘vendor suited’ – and booted?
  • ‘deceptively spacious’
  • ‘proceed in a southerly direction’
  • ‘a “melt in the mouth” treat’
  • ‘unusually we find…’ ‘inside we find…’
  • ‘the [kitchen] takes full advantage of the garden’???
  • ‘imaginatively designed’ – unless it is
  • ‘useful storage space’ – am still trying to imagine a useless storage space
  • ‘character home’
  • ‘rustic country cottage’ – as opposed to an urban country cottage?
  • ‘viewing highly recommended’ – how many people do buy without viewing?

As background, and as some of the tweeps reading this may be aware, my house has been on the market for about two weeks. Until yesterday, I thought things were going pretty well: two estate agents round to see the house, both apparently quite positive about the prospects of a sale. We picked the one with several offices in the region, who had a professional looking website and who seemed to have a sensible down to earth approach. Gosh, appearances can be deceptive.

Based on my recent experience here are just a few of the things I would suggest estate agents should try to avoid doing if at all possible:

  • failing to advertise an open day more than 2 days in advance
  • publishing the wrong date for the open day
  • failing to be around or contactable in any way on the open day
  • failing to suggest any kind of follow up or next steps after the failed open day
  • typo after typo in the property details: for example I’m not convinced a ‘wooden burning stove’ would be a great selling point….
  • excessive repetition of the same phrase again and again in the same details
  • typos on the website home page, and the contact details page, and….
  • building up false hopes

There you go. Normal service will be resumed in the next post which I promise will be a fantasy 😉


One thought on “How (not) to be a good estate agent

  1. I’ve told my children that “white slaver” and “drug dealer” are both more honourable career aspirations than “estate agent”

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