Of depression, dreams and disorganisation

Another stream of somewhat random thoughts and recollections, but if nothing else it’s alliterative.

I have been having some really rather vivid dreams over the last couple of weeks: and this is “vivid” against the context of having had lucid dreams for as long as I remember.  I promise not to go on about them for too long, honest 😛

The other night, I dreamt I was at a party, in my pyjamas. Well, I say “my” pyjamas..if anyone would like to donate a pair of designer yellow silk pyjamas please let me know. They were extremely well-fitting and comfortable and the softest, shiniest sunflower-yellow silk you can imagine. I spent a while in my dream wondering why everyone hadn’t simply worn pyjamas. The only slight concern was that I realised part-way through said party that I wasn’t wearing a bra. Or shoes. In real life there would definitely need to be a bra under the pyjamas. And probably shoes.

I wonder whether the lovely Mimi Spencer’s recent Saturday Times article might have had some influence on that particular dream. I also wonder what it means that I felt rather better about the fact someone else was in brush cotton pyjamas and mine were silk – I’m guessing I’d rather not hear the answer on that one.

One of my favourite dreams a few days into my holiday was being offered a lovely, chilled glass of Cristal – I can report that it was truly delicious. Even in my dream, I knew I wasn’t supposed to be drinking with the tablets, and slowly sipped half a glass….but gosh I really enjoyed it.

And last night, I dreamt that a large glass of really good Brunello di Monalcino was on offer. Really rather yummy, although I stopped after a sip or two.

I’ve woken up quite a few times recently wishing I was still asleep. Or that I could go back to sleep again for quite some time. Even now that I’m starting to see that things might improve, day to day life still feels like extremely hard work. (And yes, I am fully aware that life actually could be a lot harder in lots of ways. It’s largely the pretending to be “normal” that takes it out of me right now).

One thing I am really struggling with at the moment is planning ahead.  This is one of the main ways the aforementioned ditsyness is having a practical impact at the moment (other than one or two miscalculations of meeting venue or date, although one of those has yielded a lunch offer as the client assumed it was his fault).

So far this year, I have no festival tickets booked. Despite the fact that there are so many to choose from: Wychwood, Latitude, Priddy and the Harlequin Fayre to name a few. And Bellowhead are playing at Wychwood!  And Spiers and Boden at Priddy! Not to mention that I’ve already missed the chance to go to the Cambridge festival. Again.

Nor have I managed to organise a fitness weekend despite a flurry of emails and enthusiasm at some point last year.  Or to do sufficient house-hunting to find a new house. Nor have I managed to meet up with some very dear friends either at all or as often as I would have liked.  Nor have I been to the gym nearly often enough.

Obviously some of these things are more important than others, in the scheme of things. But all of these (possibly with the exception of the house buying) would potentially make a significant contribution to my well-being.  And yet, the focus and motivation needed to actually work through all the steps to book or organise something just feels slightly out of reach.  That’s probably one of the main reasons I have work still to do this weekend, and why staying asleep just seems so much easier than getting up most mornings…

Thanks again, to all of you who’ve been so supportive recently 🙂


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